Initially, this site was built to be an easy intro to the cultural event of Blaseball for the uninitiated. However, due to the sheer chaos inherent in the splort, even that became somewhat incomprehensible for those new to the site/fandom. As such, I have put together the guide hosted here to hopefully give newbies a leg up on joining said chaos.
Before getting into things, it's important to know how Blaseball is structured. Each Season lasts for one real life week, and is structured as follows:
The main Blaseball Season lasts Monday-Friday, starting at 8AM PST on the Monday. There are 99 Game Days, one per hour starting at the top of every hour (unless a game goes into "spillover", which is when it lasts longer than the hour it's slotted for, and the next set of games is pushed back until the next hour). Each team plays a game each Game Day.
Wild Card Series
After the 99th game of the Season, four teams from each sub-league (Wild and Mild) will move on to the Postseason. The team with the most wins from each division (Mild High/Mild Low/Wild High/Wild Low) gets a spot in the post-season, as do the two teams in the subleague (Mild/Wild) with the most wins after those two slots are filled. However, after the regular season concludes on Friday, there is a "Wild Card" Series (a set of games, usually best 2 out of 3, except for the Postseason, which is best 3 out of 5), during which one team from each sub-league that did not qualify is chosen at random to face off against a qualifying opponent from that same sub-league. If they win, they are the ones that move on to the Postseason instead.
Postseason and Finals
On Fridays (the Earlpostseason) Saturdays (the Latepostseason), the qualifying teams face off in the Postseason. These Series operate in a bracket format, process of elimination deciding who moves on to the Finals. The team that wins the Finals wins the Season's Internet League Blaseball championship title.
Election results (I'll go into detail on elections and voting later, so don't worry if it doesn't make total sense now) are revealed at 11AM PST on Sundays, with voting being open throughout the season and up until that time.
Blaseball operates on a three weeks on, two weeks off schedule. This allows time for the developers to rest and work on the site, and for the community to take some time off as well!
Now, on to the guide proper!
Step One: Create an account and choose your team
Account creation is pretty self-explanatory, but team selection can be deceptively counterintuitive. You may gravitate towards the team closest to your real-life geographic location, or perhaps to a name like the Canada Moist Talkers (I know that both shoes fit for me - and no Shoe Thieves have stolen them yet). These are definitely good strategies to use, but it's worth noting that every team in the league has its own subculture! I have provided brief summaries of the teams, pulling largely from descriptions given by members of the teams themselves:
- Atlantis Georgias: NEW TEAM, vibes incoming
- Baltimore Crabs: The first team to win three championship titles, and the first (and only) team to Ascend, the Baltimore Crabs are back! Eager to snap up more Championship titles, the Crabs prioritize organization, strategy, and Carcinization. After all, all things become crabs eventually.
- Boston Flowers: Focus on growth both as a team and as fans. Even their blood type is Grass.
- Breckenridge Jazz Hands: An eclectic mix of former-theater-kids, jazz fans, and people who just really like that periwinkle blue. Their lore is communally generated, and while there's a bandleader, everyone's encouraged to play out and express their unique selves for a better performance.
- Canada Moist Talkers: Be kind, be gross. Avid followers of a giant squid god - for better or for worse.
- Charleston Shoe Thieves: A good balance of competitive edge and community based lorebuilding. Your kicks are their kicks, and they're not about to let you forget it.
- Chicago Firefighters: If you join the Firefighters, you are from Chicago. Even if you didn't think you were, you sure are now. With a very chill and "surprisingly normal" fanbase, the Firefighters choose to remain grounded in an incredibly weird world - and make the world all the weirder for it.
- Core Mechanics: NEW TEAM, vibes incoming
- Dallas Steaks: One big barbecue for Grilldads of all genders and diets. They're proud of you, Splort.
- Hades Tigers: A very strong team with very chill vibes overall, the Tigers play to win but never at the expense of fun. Plus, they have Richmond Harrison. And are in Hell.
- Hawai'i Fridays: Big focus on chill vibes at all times. Always. ALWAYS.
- Hellmouth Sunbeams: "You are not welcome here, and neither are we." The Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board would like to remind you not to visit the Hellmouth.
- Houston Spies: The Houston Spies are a perfectly ordinary Blaseball team and not a front for or operation of a secret and rampantly disorganized non-governmental spy agency. They want to teach you how to change the world - and not just inside of Blaseball.
- Kansas City Breath Mints: Currently fighting to get Boyfriend Monreal back. Overall a very friendly, welcoming team.
- LA Unlimited Tacos: Once intentionally trapped their entire pitching rotation inside peanut shells to see what happened. Chaos incarnate. May not be the ones to kill god, but will definitely be a pain in its divine ass.
- Mexico City Wild Wings: Following the Wings has been a truly exhilarating journey, from going through several name changes, to a surprise Championship victory and getting tossed into a different division for good measure. But the fans themselves tend to be a chill bunch - all the better to handle the spice, eh?
- Miami Dale: In Miami, they know that winning isn’t everything in Blaseball. Here, you’ll find fans of all stripes: fan artists showcasing their players on and off the field, lore writers expanding their world, stlatisticians plotting the path to improvement, high rollers collecting their winnings, and every combination you can imagine. The consistent thread is that they’re having a great time together!
- New York Millenials: The Mills strive to be the gayest team in Blaseball. Like many teams from New York, they aren't always the best on the field, but the Mills community is full of good vibes and lovely kind-hearted people who will help you get the most out of Blaseball. Whether your passion is role playing, beating the odds, graphic design, or just chilling to lo-fi beats, the Mills want to be your brunch besties. LGMBLDM!
- Ohio Worms: NEW TEAM, vibes incoming
- Philly Pies: The Pies won the first two seasons of blaseball as relative underdogs. The lure of becoming the first team to win a third championship, and thus "ascend", tugs at many of the team's flans. Describing themselves as "updogs", the Pies work hard to make the most of their votes in each election, maintain the best recipe collection in the league, and create inventive (though often flawed) lore for each player who helps to bring their dream of Ascension closer.
- San Francisco Lovers: More than anything else, the Lovers value making sure everyone is having a good time. They want their team to be the best they can be, but love them even when they are struggling. Feel free to drop by; they are always happy to have visitors, or to induct a new member to the Knights of the Polyamorous Table! (Swordbat not included with membership.)
- Seattle Garages: True to their Garage-band name and guitar motif, outside of cheering for their team, the Garages have put together an incredible array of Blaseball themed music - and it's damn good to boot.
- Tokyo Lift: The replacement for the Baltimore Crabs when they Ascended, Tokyo is a place for good gains and better vibes. Friendly and eager, the Tokyo Lift never skip leg day or a chance to help. With the Lift, self-improvement is king. They seek gains in all things, with the mindset that there's nowhere to lift but up.
- Yellowstone Magic: Subdimensions within subdimensions within subdimensions. A very lore friendly, warm fanbase in the form of a coven.
I've decided that my team isn't the team for me! What do I do?
The shop offers an item called the Flute for 2000 coins. It's pretty pricey, especially early game, which is why I recommend choosing your team pretty carefully - it might be a while before you can swap over to a new one.
Step 1.5: Join the Discord
This is by no stretch a necessity, but it helps to build a sense of community with your team. It's also going to help when it comes to things like voting, as it allows you to access your team's strategies more easily (though all the teams have a Twitter account, and are generally pretty good about sharing strategies there as well). Additionally, this allows you to ask questions that I may not cover here. The community is very welcoming to newcomers, and your team would love to help you get into the swing of things!
Step Two: Start betting
Betting is where a lot of people get stuck. You start with a mere handful of coins, and will need to grab some Snake Oil from the shop to bet (which can be upgraded - we'll cover that later). Games begin at the top of every hour, so try to bet as many times as you can over the course of the day. Many strategies exist, and I will be referencing what I personally used to dig myself out of the 0 coin beg-bet* trap, but it's worth looking into others - find out what works for you!
The current best strategy for betting is to bet the maximum amount on any team with a 57% or greater chance of winning, unless they are playing in Black Hole or Sun2 weather, in which case don't vote on the game at all. If you run out of coins, you can Beg for more.
*Hey, Pigeon? How do I beg?
Glad you asked! You can beg by going to the Shop and picking up some Bread Crumbs. These are free, but do take up an inventory slot, of which you've got only eight. It's worth keeping a slot free until you know that you're financially secure - the returns for selling items mean you're taking a hit if you have to make room! Once you've got Bread Crumbs, you can Beg from your inventory screen, accessible via the chair icon on the top (on desktop) or bottom (on mobile) of your screen.
Why is the weather on the betting screen so weird?
Weather in Blaseball isn't normal, and changes with every game, as you can see in the forecast present for each game you bet on. Each weather type has an effect:
- Black Hole: Whenever a team scores 10 runs in a game, that team's score is brought back to zero, but the Black Hole removes a win from the opposing team
- Blooddrain: During the Blooddrain, players may steal blood from each other. This means that the player doing the draining gains some of the drained player's ability in batting, pitching, baserunning, or defense, leaving that drained player weakened permanently.
- Coffee 1: Players can become "Tired" or "Wired" by being Beaned by different kinds of coffee beans. This makes their runs worth 0.5 more or less, respectively.
- Coffee 2: Players can be Poured Over, granting them the Free Refill modification, which removes an Out from their team when they score.
- Coffee 3: Pitchers who are active during this weather gain Triple Threat which, under certain circumstances, will make runs scored worth negative runs.
- Feedback: During Feed back weather, two players on opposing teams will occasionally swap.
- Peanuts: During peanut weather, peanuts fall from the sky. A couple of things can happen here. Players have a chance of accidentally swallowing a falling peanut, and many have peanut allergies as per a randomly generated stat. If they're allergic, they'll have an allergic reaction, and their stats will decrease. If they're not, they'll have a yummy reaction, and their stats will increase. During these games, players with the Honey Roasted modification may "taste the Infinite" and Shell a player on the opposing team, trapping them inside a giant peanut.
- Reverb: During Reverb weather, teams will occasionally shuffle around. No players will leave your team, but your batting lineup or pitching rotation might get reorganized. The two may also get shuffled together, meaning that a pitcher becomes a batter and vice versa. Occasionally a single player will be affected by this weather type and gain a modifier that causes them to have a chance of batting twice during each at bat during other instances of this same weather type.
- Solar Eclipse: During solar eclipses, rogue umpires will occasionally appear and incinerate one of the players on the field, killing them instantly and replacing them with a new, randomly generated player.
- Sun 2: Whenever a team scores 10 runs in a game, the team's score is brought back to zero and Sun 2 grants them a bonus win
- Too Many Birds: During this weather, the birds may peck a shelled player free, or mob a batter, forcing them to flee and causing an out.
Step Three: Choose your idol
By now, you've likely zeroed in on some of the more powerful players in the League - powerhouses like Alston Cerveza, Dudley Mueller, PolkdaDot Patterson, or Valentine Games. These are popular choices as Idols - players selected by fans which earn them passive income every game. You can always switch your Idol between games for 200 coins - which may seem like a lot now, but trust me, that's simple pocket change within a couple of seasons. Currently, idolizing a hitter is vastly more profitable and less labor-intensive than idolizing a pitcher, but ultimately it is up to you!
Wait, I change my mind - can I Idolize a hitter/pitcher instead?
The short answer is yes, but it's better to make that choice now rather than after the next step, because once you've started pouring money into upgrading your Idol income, it's hard to justify swapping between the two.
Step Four: Buy, buy, buy!
Head to the Shop (AKA the Concession). There's a lot to look at here, so I'm gonna break it down into tiers according to usefulness:
- Sunflower Seeds: These will get you money every time your Idol scores a hit. Granted, they won't do anything if you're Idolling a pitcher, but they'll be your primary source of income if you opt to Idol a hitter.
- Stale Popcorn: This will make you money every time your team loses. Pretty simple.
- Hot Dog: Yes, Hot Dog is the plural. Hot Dog will grant you money every time your Idol scores a home run. This is a large sum of money, but will trigger far less often than your Sunflower Seeds will, so stock up on those first>
- Popcorn: This grants you money every time your team wins! Ideally, you'd like this to be more profitable than Stale Popcorn, but in all likelihood it won't be unless your team gets really, really lucky - it's also more expensive than the stale stuff. It's still an excellent source of revenue though, so it's worth picking up!
- Chips: Chips will earn you money every time your Idol strikes a batter out. Pitcher idolling is, again, not very profitable, so only grab these if you're okay with not seeing great returns on them.
- Hamburger: Also plural. Hamburger earn you money every time your idol pitches a shutout. See above for the "why this ain't great" reasoning.
- Peanuts: These can be eaten, or Tributed to players in the Hall of Flame (where Players go when they're Incinerated). Having said that, there's currently not much point in doing either, as far as we're aware.
These items are only handy in certain situations, detailed below:
- Pizza: Coming into play next Season (Season 13), Pizza will allow you to participate in building your team's ballpark! Don't bother picking it up if you're brand new, though - building the park is gonna require raising money, which you probably don't have a ton of right now.
- Cheese Board: Grab this at the end of the season, when you go to vote. It allows you to see and vote on Wills (getting to those, hold tight), and other memebers of your team will likely have already peeked at them and shared them on the Discord anyhow. Not much point occupying an inventory slot for the whole season!
- Apple: This allows you to see advanced player stats and your team's Shadowed (currently not playing in games) Roster. This is neat if you're interested in more nitty-gritty details, but is totally optional.
- Tarot Spread: This lets you pull a Tarot Spread during the beginning of the Season, which may influence the draw that happens during the break between the beginning of the Season and the middle of it. The draw grants modifications to players on teams determined by the draw itself that may be beneficial or detrimental depending on card positions. This is again totally optional.
- Vote: Spend these in Elections! You'll wanna grab them at the end of the Season to help your team.
Step Five: Vote
An election occurs at the end of every season, and votes can be purchased for 100 coins each from the store. I personally recommend buying votes only up until the point where you still have enough money to place your max bet on the second game (you cannot bet on the first) of every season. So, if you've managed to upgrade your max bet to the cap of 1,000 coins, this means that you want 10,000 left over. Votes can be used in three ways: Decrees, Blessings, and Wills
Decrees are big, game changing, and often scary. They generally affect the whole league in some way, and are decided by majority vote. Some seasons only one decree is slated to pass, some allow for up to three.
Blessings generally benefit the receiving team only (though some decrees affect a "bubble" of teams, encouraging some inter-team coordination). These do such an abundance of things that I could not hope to give a fitting summary of here, and I encourage you to look through what's available in a given season for yourself, even if you don't understand all of it yet. These are distributed via a raffle system, with more votes equaling a higher chance (but not at all a guarantee) of winning that particular blessing for your team.
These function similarly to Blessings, being a raffle, but can only be voted on/won by your team. Each team gets two every Election.
How do I choose?
Right now, I recommend that you follow your team's lead. Most teams have some very dedicated strategists who will help guide you in the right direction, and most teams again have some form of suggested voting guide each season. These are never hard and fast rules for what you can and can't vote for, but working with your team is fun! I also would like to encourage you not to purposefully vote for something that your team has stated that they don't want. It's often for a good reason, even if that reason is more to make a good story than it is to make a winning team. Half the fun of Blaseball is in the narrative!
Can I just save my money?
I don't recommend it! An event called Eat the Rich occurs at the end of every season, and takes money from the richest 1% of fans in the game and gives it to the other 99%. You're probably not going to be close to that 1% for a few seasons, at least, but buying votes and using them every week is a good habit to get into.
Who knows? I sure as hell don't. Buckle in, brace yourselves, and be ready for anything and everything to change. But most of all? Have fun. And, as one famous player once said:
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