Initially, this site was built to be an easy intro to the cultural event of Blaseball for the uninitiated. However, due to the sheer chaos inherent in the splort, even that became somewhat incomprehensible for those new to the site/fandom. As such, I have put together the guide hosted here to hopefully give newbies a leg up on joining said chaos.
Before getting into things, it's important to know how Blaseball is structured. Each Season lasts for one real life week, and is structured as follows:
The main Blaseball Season lasts Monday-Friday. There are 99 Game Days, one per hour starting at the top of every hour (unless a game goes into "spillover", which is when it lasts longer than the hour it's slotted for, and the next set of games is pushed back until the next hour). Each team plays a game each Game Day.
Wild Card Series
After the 99th game of the Season, four teams from each sub-league (Wild and Mild) will move on to the Postseason. The team with the most wins from each division (Mild High/Mild Low/Wild High/Wild Low) gets a spot in the post-season, as do the two teams in the subleague with the most wins after those two slots are filled. However, after the regular season concludes on Friday, there is a "Wild Card" Series (a set of games, usually best 2 out of 3, except for the Postseason, which is best 3 out of 5), during which one team from each sub-league that did not qualify is chosen at random to face off against a qualifying opponent from that same sub-league. If they win, they are the ones that move on to the Postseason instead.
Postseason and Finals
On Saturdays, the qualifying teams face off in the Postseason. These Series operate in a bracket format, process of elimination deciding who moves on to the Finals. The team that wins the Finals wins the Season's Internet League Blaseball championship title.
Election results (I'll go into detail on elections and voting later, so don't worry if it doesn't make total sense now) are revealed at 12PM PST on Sundays, with voting being open throughout the season and up until that time.
Now, on to the guide proper!
Step One: Create an account and choose your team
Account creation is pretty self-explanatory, but team selection can be deceptively counterintuitive. You may gravitate towards the team closest to your real-life geographic location, or perhaps to a name like the Canada Moist Talkers (I know that both shoes fit for me - and no Shoe Thieves have stolen them yet). These are definitely good strategies to use, but it's worth noting that every team in the league has its own subculture! I have provided brief summaries of the teams, pulling largely from descriptions given by members of the teams themselves:
- San Francisco Lovers: More than anything else, the Lovers value making sure everyone is having a good time. They want their team to be the best they can be, but love them even when they are struggling. Feel free to drop by; they are always happy to have visitors, or to induct a new member to the Knights of the Polyamorous Table! (Swordbat not included with membership.)
- Mexico City Wild Wings: Following the Wings has been a truly exhilarating journey, from going through several name changes, to a surprise Championship victory and getting tossed into a different division for good measure. But the fans themselves tend to be a chill bunch - all the better to handle the spice, eh?
- Chicago Firefighters: If you join the Firefighters, you are from Chicago. Even if you didn't think you were, you sure are now. With a very chill and "surprisingly normal" fanbase, the Firefighters choose to remain grounded in an incredibly weird world - and make the world all the weirder for it.
- Breckenridge Jazz Hands: An eclectic mix of former-theater-kids, jazz fans, and people who just really like that periwinkle blue. Their lore is communally generated, and while there's a bandleader, everyone's encouraged to play out and express their unique selves for a better performance.
- Canada Moist Talkers: Be kind, be gross. Avid followers of a giant squid god - for better or for worse.
- Seattle Garages: True to their Garage-band name and guitar motif, outside of cheering for their team, the Garages have put together an incredible array of Blaseball themed music - and it's damn good to boot.
- Hades Tigers: A very strong team with very chill vibes overall, the Tigers play to win but never at the expense of fun. Plus, they have Richmond Harrison. And are in Hell.
- Dallas Steaks: One big barbecue for Grilldads of all genders and diets. They're proud of you, Splort.
- New York Millenials: The Mills strive to be the gayest team in Blaseball. Like many teams from New York, they aren't always the best on the field, but the Mills community is full of good vibes and lovely kind-hearted people who will help you get the most out of Blaseball. Whether your passion is role playing, beating the odds, graphic design, or just chilling to lo-fi beats, the Mills want to be your brunch besties. LGMBLDM!
- Miami Dale: In Miami, they know that winning isn’t everything in Blaseball. Here, you’ll find fans of all stripes: fan artists showcasing their players on and off the field, lore writers expanding their world, stlatisticians plotting the path to improvement, high rollers collecting their winnings, and every combination you can imagine. The consistent thread is that they’re having a great time together!
- Houston Spies: The Houston Spies is a perfectly ordinary Blaseball team and not a front for or operation of a secret and rampantly disorganized non-governmental spy agency. They want to teach you how to change the world - and not just inside of Blaseball.
- Unlimited Tacos: Once intentionally trapped their entire pitching rotation inside peanut shells to see what happened. Chaos incarnate. May not be the ones to kill god, but will definitely be a pain in its divine ass.
- Hellmouth Sunbeams: "You are not welcome here, and neither are we." The Hellmouth Anti-Tourism Board would like to remind you not to visit the Hellmouth.
- Boston Flowers: Focus on growth both as a team and as fans. Even their blood type is Grass.
- Charleston Shoe Thieves: A good balance of competitive edge and community based lorebuilding. Your kicks are their kicks, and they're not about to let you forget it.
- Philly Pies: The Pies won the first two seasons of blaseball as relative underdogs. The lure of becoming the first team to win a third championship, and thus "ascend", tugs at many of the team's flans. Describing themselves as "updogs", the Pies work hard to make the most of their votes in each election, maintain the best recipe collection in the league, and create inventive (though often flawed) lore for each player who helps to bring their dream of Ascension closer.
- Kansas City Breath Mints: Currently fighting to get Boyfriend Monreal back. Overall a very friendly, welcoming team.
- Yellowstone Magic: Subdimensions within subdimensions within subdimensions. A very lore friendly, warm fanbase in the form of a coven.
- Hawai'i Fridays: Big focus on chill vibes at all times. Always. ALWAYS.
- Tokyo Lift: The newest team in the League and replacement for REDACTED, Tokyo is a place for good gains and better vibes. Friendly and eager, the Tokyo Lift never skip leg day or a chance to help. With the Lift, self-improvement is king. They seek gains in all things, with the mindset that there's nowhere to lift but up.
I've decided that my team isn't the team for me! What do I do?
The shop offers an item called the Fair Weather Flute for 2000 coins. It's pretty pricey, especially early game, which is why I recommend choosing your team pretty carefully - it might be a while before you can swap over to a new one.
Step 1.5: Join the Discord
This is by no stretch a necessity, but it helps to build a sense of community with your team. It's also going to help when it comes to things like voting, as it allows you to access your team's strategies more easily (though all the teams have a Twitter account, and are generally pretty good about sharing strategies there as well). Additionally, this allows you to ask questions that I may not cover here. The community is very welcoming to newcomers, and your team would love to help you get into the swing of things!
Step Two: Start betting
Betting is where a lot of people get stuck. You start with a mere handful of coins, and a max bet of 200 (which can be upgraded - we'll cover that later). Games begin at the top of every hour, so try to bet as many times as you can over the course of the day. Many strategies exist, and I will be referencing what I personally used to dig myself out of the 0 coin beg-bet* trap, but it's worth looking into others - find out what works for you!
The Ten Percent Bet Strategy
So, you've got 2,000 coins - who do you bet on, and how much? Find the team with the best odds of winning (teams on the betting screen are listed in descending order of best odds to worst, but your team's next game will always be at the top of this screen). Place 10% of your current coin total (200 coins, in this case) on the team with the best odds, then move down the list. Place 10% (180 coins) of what remains on that team. Move down the list, doing this until you have bet on every game. Wait for games to wrap up, rinse, repeat.
*Hey, Pigeon? What's beg betting?
Glad you asked! Beg betting is a strategy that encourages betting your maximum bet amount on every game until you run out of money, and then going to the shop page and hitting the Beg option. You can only do this when your coin balance hits 0, and it will award you a very small amount of coins. According to this strategy, you go bet these coins on one of the remaining teams that you haven't yet bet on, then go back, beg again, and so on and so forth until you have bet on every team. Some people have had remarkable success with this method, and if you find that the Ten Percent strategy isn't working for you, it's absolutely worth a shot!
Why is the weather on the betting screen so weird?
Weather in Blaseball isn't normal, and changes with every game, as you can see in the forecast present for each game you bet on. Each weather type has an effect:
- Sun 2: Whenever a team scores 10 runs in a game, the team's score is brought back to zero and Sun 2 grants them a bonus win
- Black Hole: Whenever a team scores 10 runs in a game, that team's score is brought back to zero, but the Black Hole removes a win from the opposing team
Step Three: Choose your idol
By now, you've likely zeroed in on some of the more powerful players in the League - powerhouses like Alston Cerveza, Nagomi McDaniels, PolkdaDot Patterson, or Jaylen Hotdogfingers. These are popular choices as Idols - players selected by fans which earn them passive income every game. You can always switch your Idol between games for 200 coins - which may seem like a lot now, but trust me, that's simple pocket change within a couple of seasons. This is also gonna be where you want to make another foray into the shop (or, perhaps, your first if you haven't had to beg yet - lucky you). This is the point where you're going to buy two Pendants, which are specific to the player type you're going to Idolize, as described below. There are a couple of predominant strategies here depending on whether you want to Idolize a hitter or a pitcher:
I choose a hitter!
Great! Sit back, relax, and let the low maintenance Idolization money start to roll in. You won't make nearly as much as you would strategically idolizing pitchers, but it's a much lower maintenance option. Your Pendant purchases are going to be the Hits Pendant and the Home Run Pendant (pretty self explanatory).
I choose a pitcher!
Pitcher Idolization is more profitable than idolizing a hitter, but requires keeping more plates spinning - it's also higher risk for that sweet, sweet reward. You could just Idolize one pitcher and stick to them, but that won't make you the same kind of money as Idolizing a rotating selection. You're going to want to buy a Strikeout Pendant (also self explanatory) and a Shutout Pendant (which earns you coins every time the team playing against your Idol scores a whopping zero - or fewer - points).
Hitters play every game, but pitchers only play roughly once every five games (though this varies from team to team as of recently, with some pitching rotations being shorter/longer than others - the Unlimited Tacos currently only have one pitcher, a popular Idolization choice for a fairly steady influx of money). To counter this and maximize profit, most people Idolize a rotating roster of pitchers from various teams. These people get a feel for who the best pitchers are and when they're pitching, and selectively swap idols between each game to keep the cashflow coming.
Wait, I change my mind - can I Idolize a hitter/pitcher instead?
The short answer is yes, but it's better to make that choice now rather than after the next step, because once you've started pouring money into upgrading your Idol income, it's hard to justify swapping between the two.
Step Four: Upgrading
Head back to the shop. There's a lot to look at here, but we're going to focus on a few things in order of importance, and I'm going to dip back into my own personal strategy (but I'll say it again - these are just suggestions, and I recommend looking at other peoples' strategies too):
High Roller Snake Oil
This is by far the most important upgrade you can get your greasy little high-roller hands on: it upgrades your max bet. This gets exponentially more expensive as you upgrade it. What I found to be the best strategy was to upgrade this when I was above 10,000 coins after placing bets (you'll get there! I promise). I then spent down as close to 10k as I could get without dipping beneath that mark, than continued purchasing the less expensive upgrades I could afford while still remaining above that minimum, following the order below.
Pendants come in the four varieties mentioned above, and upgrading increases your idolization income. In terms of priority, I place Hits > Home Run and Strikeout > Shutout. Even though the payouts for the latter two are higher, the former two pay out more frequently.
Passive Income Potion
Every time your favourite team wins a game, you earn a little bit of passive income. In terms of cost versus reward, this item's upgrades are by far the least profitable ones to invest in. Having said that, it's worth doing if you've got the cash to spare, as it allows you to earn a small handful of money while you're doing non-Blaseball things like working or sleeping (which I do encourage - I'm told they're important, unfortunately).
What's All This Other Stuff?
Upgrades, Beg, and the Flute are not the only things in the store. There are a handful of other items too:
- Vote: We'll cover voting and elections in a bit here! Hold your horses!
- Peanuts: Peanuts can be given as Tribute to players in the Hall of Flame (accessible through the "more" menu at the top of the screen). These are deceased players removed from the game via Incineration. I don't recommend investing in Peanuts for this purpose right now, as we don't know what exactly they do (though theories abound). You can also eat them to please The Shelled One (a giant, floating peanut god, which we had to fight in a boss battle at the end of Season Nine, which was exactly as weird as it sounds), but The Shelled One really hasn't done us any favours, so I would hold off on that.
- Squirrel of Devouring: If you do decide that you want to eat your peanuts - or, I dunno, just that you'd like to own a squirrel - you can purchase this item to eat two peanuts with every click on the peanut icon instead of one. That's it. That's all it does.
Step Five: Vote
An election occurs at the end of every season, and votes can be purchased for 100 coins each from the store. I personally recommend buying votes only up until the point where you still have enough money to place your max bet on the second game (you cannot bet on the first) of every season. So, if you've managed to upgrade your max bet to the cap of 1,000 coins, this means that you want 10,000 left over. Votes can be used in two ways: Decrees and Blessings
Decrees are big, game changing, and often scary. They generally affect the whole league in some way, and are decided by majority vote. Some seasons only one decree is slated to pass, some allow for up to three.
Blessings generally benefit the receiving team only (though some decrees affect a "bubble" of teams, encouraging some inter-team coordination). These do such an abundance of things that I could not hope to give a fitting summary here, and I encourage you to look through what's available in a given season for yourself, even if you don't understand all of it yet. These are distributed via a raffle system, with more votes equaling a higher chance (but not at all a guarantee) of winning that particular blessing for your team.
How do I choose?
Right now, I recommend that you follow your team's lead. Most teams have some very dedicated strategists who will help guide you in the right direction, and most teams again have some form of suggested voting guide each season. These are never hard and fast rules for what you can and can't vote for, but working with your team is fun! I also would like to encourage you not to purposefully vote for something that your team has stated that they don't want. It's often for a good reason, even if that reason is more to make a good story than it is to make a winning team. Half the fun of Blaseball is in the narrative!
Can I just save my money?
I don't recommend it! An event called Eat the Rich occurs at the end of every season, and takes money from the richest 1% of fans in the game and gives it to the other 99%. You're probably not going to be close to that 1% for a few seasons, at least, but buying votes and using them every week is a good habit to get into.
Who knows? I sure as hell don't. Buckle in, brace yourselves, and be ready for anything and everything to change. But most of all? Have fun. And, as one famous player once said:
BACK TO TOP